Up, down, all-in, close-out

The season is wrapping down and I'm left thinking about how things have been going so far. Somehow, this season ran away from me. I had all these plans for what we wanted to do. I certainly planning on writing more updates, especially as we faced new challenges this season. Prior to the season starting, we talked about not letting anything distract us. Knowing this was going to be our last shot at really focusing and taking training seriously, we were going to say 'no' more, don't add anything onto our plates, and only have track to think about. However, we did not do that as successfully as we wanted to; some our choices and some not. I picked up coaching, we started a redesign project on the kitchen right as practice was starting; there were weddings, birthdays, holidays, etc. that took our attention and focus.

I went up to Eugene, feeling really good. I texted Josh the night before about how great I felt during my pre-race drills. My aunt's husband decided to come to the meet, which meant so much to me, especially considering he'd never been to a track meet before. I got to the track about 2 hours before my event and started warming up, waaaaaay too early. I started getting restless and had to keep hopping around to stay in it. Then I stepped on the runway for my attempts, and just blew it. Almost every attempt, I was behind the board. (a nagging problem I've had for a long time.) I didn't get it. How could I have felt so good the day before and just choke so badly when the time came to shine. I was frustrated and angry. Not knowing what else to do, I rambled off a rant (and it's not G-rated, sorry!) titled What the FUCK is wrong with me:
     "What the FUCK is wrong with me? I don't fucking understand. I'm eating right. I'm getting sleep. I've stopped indulging in booze and sweets. I've put in the work. I'm faster than ever, stronger than ever, my technique is improving every practice. I'm running better down the runway. 
      And yet, I can't fucking put it together!
     So that the fuck is wrong with me?
     I'm feeling lost
          and confused
          and frustrated
          and embarrassed
          and starting to get angry with myself.
     Which is the opposite of all the feelings I felt before this started today.
     I have missed so many things for the dream. I wanted to do so badly and it's just killing me."
Eventually, I got over my pity party and went back to my aunt's house. I enjoyed the rest of my trip and raced back for my high school kids' meet.

Coaching high school was more stressful than I anticipated (despite Josh telling me it would be). Every time we went out there, I worried about how they were going to do and how everyone was going to judge my coaching abilities based on their marks. I fretted and ruminated. I had nightmares about the kids hating me and the parents yelling at me. And, I think, mostly, it was unnecessary stress I was putting on myself. It certainly took away from my ability to let things go and just focus on long jumping. It also meant that we had to not compete many weekends because our kids had a meet. I certainly learned a lot though, and a little about high jumping. :)

I went to SF State for a meet the following week, with pretty much the exact same results as Oregon, In fact, I jumped the exact same mark, down to the centimeter. Josh and I talked about it afterwards. He wasn't too surprised, based on how well (or not well) I was focusing at practice. You know what they say, "You play like you practice." [Video is from a practice last week.]

With end-of-season meets for our kids and Josh's brother's wedding, our next meet for ourselves wasn't until 3 weeks later. It was a PA Masters meet, which was a lot of fun. It's so inspiring to see these athletes in the 60s, 70s, and 80s, still training and competing. Long jump was at 9AM IN THE MORNING!!!! Why is women's long jump ALWAYS the first event, and why is it ALWAYS so damn early?! My parents and Josh's mom came to watch, and it was so great that they came to support us. Despite how early it was, my body woke up and got moving. However, the same problems that have plagued me the season came out again. One jump I was too tense and behind the board, the next I ran too fast and couldn't jump up off the board, and the last 2 I slowed down so much at my plant that I got super awesome height, but no distance. I have all the pieces, they're just not coming together at the same time.

Me from high school. 

Later that day, I ran the 100 in a 12.28, which is a huge PR for me!!! I couldn't believe it when I saw the time. It really went to show that at 31, I am truly the fastest I have ever been. Then, I high jumped 5'1", which isn't a PR, but it's pretty close. It also showed that I haven't lost any of my hops. Now, I just have to put those 2 elements together.
Josh, having not had a meet in over 2 months, did the pole vault. He had been having a really difficult time in practice getting off the ground from more than 4 strides (4 rights and 4 lefts behind his take-off spot). He did super amazingly well!!! They ended up running the pole vault as co-ed. Because it was a masters meet, there were people entering at 6 feet, and others not coming in until over 12 feet. It was almost 2 hours from when warm-ups stopped and he had his first jump. It also was super hot and we conveniently ran out of sunscreen. (My sock and shorts tan is pretty epic now because of it.) His first few jumps were a little shaky, but then he got into a groove. He even was able to get back to his 6 stride with no problems! Being the bad ass that he is, he won!! And he didn't jump TOO far off his PR. Once everyone else was out of the competition, he had a hard time staying focused and amped so he bowed out early.

Josh from high school.
We were so little!

Usually, the high school we train at had graduation at the football stadium so they put the high jump and pole vault mats away. This year, they still had graduation, but decided to take pity on us and left the mats out. Hallelujah!!!! We didn't have to drag them back out again for practice!!! Josh has been able to get a few more vault practices in than expected.

Tomorrow is my last meet. (Josh will have other pole vault meet opportunities through the summer if he decides to go to them). We're going to Cal for the PA regional meet. I'm doing long jump, high jump, and 100, while Josh is doing pole vault. My emotions are all super crazy. But the thing I have been able to remind myself is how much I love competing and jumping. My practices have looked better than they have all season and I was able to put 1 jump together where I held my speed and got good height. I'm feeling more and more confident going out there and putting it on the table.
While getting on the runway, I have been trying a mantra to get myself amped, focused, and ready. I keep telling myself, "I am fast. I am fierce. I am fearless. I am a jumper." Here's to hoping I am able to continue that focus and mindset and pull it together. :)